eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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