you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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