I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
