I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
