my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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