Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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