We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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