This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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