They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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