if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
