is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up under a house in Key West
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