Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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