Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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