an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
