hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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