Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
