I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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