he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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