You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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