In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
