Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
