This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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