here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
