I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
