someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
