Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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