literally had 100 drinks last night.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
