i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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