you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
