Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
