I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
