There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
