I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
