erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
