Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
