he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
