don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
only you would photoshop your dick
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
