In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
