I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
