Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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