I just saw a hot homeless man
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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