I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
