I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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