it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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