Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
