Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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