You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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