did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
