her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
