I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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