why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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