Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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