you guys were way drunker than both of me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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