How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
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