she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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