I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
