well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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