I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
