I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
