we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
