Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
