I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
