Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
