Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
