My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
