worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
