i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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