Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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