Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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