she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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