My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
