He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
