I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
