In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
