I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize