Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
