remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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