Dual....:-)
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
