lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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