No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
COCAINE IS GR8
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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