youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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