Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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