i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize