Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
