She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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