please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
