i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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