What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
