wrigley field is MILF paradise
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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