Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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