Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I forget how to act sober
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize