i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
