is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
