all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
