problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
