got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm too high and old for this...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
